We all want to know that we matter in this world and that our life has meaning. Within us lies this inexplicable need to be Special. To know that we aren’t a mistake and we haven’t been forgotten.
As children, we lose ourselves in fantastical tales of wishes fulfilled. We relate to the story of the ordinary boy, who one day discovers he is the most powerful wizard in the world. We live vicariously through these characters, wishing, hoping, that we were just like them. If only.
As adults, myself included, we are no different. The longing to be special remains.
But with our need to be special, comes with it our fear of being different. As humanity, we are a walking contradiction, afraid of being ostracized. For we may dream of being recognized for our uniqueness, but we are also deathly afraid of shining our lights, and being our most expansive selves. As Marianne Williamson said:
“It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
We may no longer burn each other at the stake but alienation still exists. We judge those who appear different. As a culture, we join forces and bully the “weird one” because following the pack is the norm, and anything other than that would mean being alone and risking being alienated ourselves.
For myself, being someone who didn’t easily fit in growing up, I’ve always cheered for the underdog. I know what it feels like to be excluded. And every time I write from my heart, and dig deeper into my truth, I face the same risks of isolation. Only now, the risks of remaining silent, and betraying myself are so much worse. So I choose to write anyway.
We as a society like to point the finger at another, ridicule and ostracize them, because it takes the focus off ourselves for a moment. The truth is, we make excellent mirrors for each other. Every time we have one finger pointed at someone else, we have three fingers pointed back at ourselves.
So who are we really judging? What is it inside us that we are afraid to look at, and shed light too? What are we hiding from? What shame is so great that we don’t want anyone else to see, for fear of being outcast?
We all have a great story inside. We all have our unspeakable truths.
We as humans have such a hard time being Real, that even when we pretend to be unique, do our own thing and go our own way, we are still following the pack. Whatever the societal revolt of the moment may be, Goth, Hipster, Skater, Bohemian Hippie, or Emo, we are all running towards the same trend; ultimately looking for someplace where we belong.
Next time you look at someone, don’t just see the popped collar, or the protective bubble wrap of weight around their waistline. Look past the over confident swagger and fancy vocabulary. See beyond the image they are working so hard to uphold. Just see the REAL them.
The person shining through the facade is who they really are underneath it all. The overly arrogant man is likely a five-year-old boy who just wants to feel good enough amongst his peers. And the woman who seems lost and confused, is sometimes actually an incredibly strong spirit, filled with wisdom and inner knowing that she has temporarily forgotten how to access.
As a culture, we’ve convinced ourselves that we need to dim our lights and be something other than who we are, in order to be accepted. Expressing our sincere truth is frowned upon. Genuine heart centered conversations are boxed up as cheesy and lame. We wear the protective bubble wrap and cool cloaks, because we think it’s our only option.
We are afraid of our uniqueness, yet we crave it. We want to be special and yet we need to be the same. It’s no wonder we are so confused about who we are.
If we look at our fascination with films and TV series based around wizards, witches, vampires, werewolves and other supernatural creatures, there are many underlying reasons why they are so incredibly popular in our culture right now.
- They are different; Special. They have a special purpose and they can do incredibly special things.
- Their lives are glamourfied as anything but ordinary, usually originating back to times of the European renaissance, where corsets and cobblestone streets equaled elegance. And if you are the ordinary human swept up in this supernatural world, well, you are the chosen one.
- They belong to covens, clans and packs. They are different, yet their specialness is accepted, and their gifts admired. When you become accepted as part of the pack, you are together for all eternity. Your clan will die for you and there is a great romanticism and safety about one willing to go to the ends of the earth for another. They will never be alone again.
And so, until we receive confirmation of our specialness in a way that’s safe and accepted, we will continue to escape into a fantasy world.
“I suppose what fascinates me most about vampires is the idea of being different or being kind of special. The idea that they have this secret that nobody knows. They live amongst us, but they’re so much more than humans in a way. So that’s very attractive to me — the idea that they are secretly very powerful, but they can’t reveal that power, because they would be hunted down or regarded as outcasts.” – Joseph Morgan, who portrays the vampire Klaus, on the TV series, THE ORIGINALS.
Our society’s increased need to be famous also relates back to being special. For most people, being a celebrity isn’t about the craft, but instead a desire to be seen, accepted and acknowledged. As Michael C. Hall, the actor who portrayed the title character on the TV series DEXTER, said:
“I think I had a shyness about me, I think I discovered acting as a way to break out of that and as a way of belonging, a sense of being special.”
Unfortunately as many celebrities show us time and time again, their outward search for validation and approval is not actually filling the real void that aches within. Once they get to that place of fame, fortune and adoration… what happens?! Most crash and completely fall apart because they aren’t fulfilled. They realize that false sense of idol-hood and security doesn’t equal happiness.
The truth is, the only one who can make you happy, is yourself. The only approval you need to seek, is your own.
Through years of feeling like the black sheep in a field of white, I’ve begun to see the pattern before us. I believe the REAL reason we all want to be special, is because somewhere deep within us all, there is a voice that knows our truth.
We are much more than just this body.
There IS something super natural about all of us. All these “myths and stories” were not born out of the imagination without some truth to light the way. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and this isn’t our only life.
When we finally realize that our hearts all beat by the same divine force, we can see that there is something indeed very magical and special about our existence. We all have the capabilities to be so much more than human. By connecting to our sixth sense and embracing our own super natural abilities, we can all live extraordinary lives.
However, the longer we are disconnected from our truth, our intuition and our Source, the more ego based our lives will be. The more separate we will feel. And ultimately, the more alone and isolated we will believe ourselves to be. This is the journey from Ego to Spirit.
When we are born, we feel connected to all that is. But as we learn societal lessons and form beliefs and patterns to make up who we are, we begin to forget our truth and form our ego. And that ego makes us separate. And as long as we look at another with our head rather than our heart, we will always feel that way.
When I feel myself judging another, I know it is the voice of my ego and not my soul. So I ask, where is this voice coming from; Fear or Love? Ego or Spirit?
When you live in Spirit, you see through the eyes of your Divine self. You see the infinite light in another, which makes you more likely to honor the light in yourself. The whole world opens up into a field of possibilities. From tried and true experience, I can tell you with all my heart, it’s so much more comfortable to reside in the heart, connected to my truth, and feeling that divinity within.
There are no mistakes in this world. There are no coincidences. Every breath provides opportunity for growth, awareness and expansion. And every moment provides the chance for Magic to unfold. Know that you are incredibly sacred. The same divinity lies within you and I. And that specialness has been within you, all along.
Until next time — Cultivate your sacred self, nurture your intuitive garden and allow the real you to blossom for all to see. I close with a powerful reminder from Marianne Williamson.
Must go, the Harry Potter marathon is about to start!
In Divine Love & Pure Light,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us.It’s in everyone, and, as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
— Marianne Williamson
Kirsten Sonya Hansen 