To give you a better idea of who I am and where I come from, I’d like to share my own story of self discovery, as you might find experiences that relate to your own journey and know that you are not alone.
As a child, I felt different and I didn’t really fit in.
I believed in fairy tales, magic, and that my dreams would come true. I felt this overwhelming need to do something of value, to be of service, but I didn’t know what that looked like. I was born an entertainer, and loved doing airbands for my class. I was also drawn to unfolding life’s mysteries, but didn’t have the proper tools. I would create my own mini Ouija boards out of paper hoping to connect to “God” during recess.
Let’s just say it didn’t go over well with my friends/classmates. I was teased, bullied at times, and more than once ostracized or abandoned by those supposed to be close to me.
I remember hiding in my classroom closet, crying.
I shut myself down and learned to be alone and rely only on myself. Even when I did have friends, I still felt alone. Like no one knew the depths of my soul, and how I ached and longed for that deep connection. Finding that someone just like me, who would get me. And so I learned to write my feelings in my journal and eventually deep poetry from a very young age.
I had no idea that connection I was seeking was within.
When I was 12 years old, I awoke one night to a visitor in my room. He (I say ‘he’ because the energy felt male but the being was nondescript) was wearing all white, like robes, that seemed to cover his face and he was as tall as the ceiling and seemed to be lit by a light that wasn’t there. All I could see was these very intense, beady eyes. He stared at me, for what seemed like hours, but was probably 20-30 minutes. I felt he was trying to impart some deep wisdom but I was afraid, and didn’t know what was happening. When he finally disappeared, I ran down the hall to my mom. She convinced me I was safe and that there was no one there.
I woke up to discover a symbol on my right forearm.
It stuck out of my skin as if I had been branded. There were no scratches or pain. The symbol was two parallel lines like the number 11, then a circle with an X in it. I showed my mom, my younger sister and her friend, but none of us knew what it meant. By the time I got to school, the symbol had disappeared as if it never existed. But it wasn’t forgotten. I spent the next 15 years searching for answers, in libraries and books (this was before the internet) to no avail. It terrified me, and so I kept it mostly to myself and went on with my ordinary life.
It seemed the harder I resisted my truth of who I really was, the more it was staring me in the face.
As a baby, I had eczema, which seemed to only get worse as I got older. Having grown up in an alternative healing household where my parents had a health food store; naturopaths, cleanses, and vitamins were second nature.
I was the healthiest kid around. But I still had eczema.
As I grew up, I tried my best to be like everyone else to fit in. I floated around from group to group throughout high school, all the while searching for the place where I belonged, but always feeling like the outsider on the periphery. My younger sister and I would joke around that we could call 1-800-Cool-People and they would hook us up with friends. “Hello, Cool People?” Somehow we never got through.
Instead of embracing what I know today to be my gifts as a Clairvoyant, Clairsentient and Claircognizant, I chose to fit into the mould society had cast for me. I wanted desperately to be liked, accepted and fit in.
But the truth is…
We are all naturally intuitive, limitless beings.
And as we break free from these beliefs that are forced upon us telling us how to be, we realize they are just masks created by society. And most are fear-based or about controlling us to not see our own true innate power.
But I didn’t know that then. And as I got older, my eczema only got worse. I was sensitive to everything; food, products, my environment. One day in my early twenties, while filming a movie as a script supervisor and under an extreme amount of stress, the eczema started to cover my entire upper body. I could barely open my eyes, bend my arms, or tilt my head, I was so swollen, red and itchy. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and ugly.
I showed up on set, the director took one look at me and said, “you need to go to the hospital.”
I was able to get in to see a skin specialist that day but unfortunately, he told me what other medical specialists had said before. It was best if I slept with a tub of cortisone cream next to my bed. “There is nothing you can do to make it go away.”
But that wasn’t a good enough answer for me.
In my heart, I knew there was a deeper truth. My older sister heard about a gifted Intuitive Healer, and I booked in. The healer sat across from me, looked deep into my soul and gave the eczema a voice. I discovered the emotional root behind what was causing my distress and rash breakouts (low self esteem and being afraid to show my face to the world, to be me), which brought forth immediate relief, healing and transformation, having been truly seen. That session was the beginning of an inner awakening, and it wasn’t long before the eczema cleared up completely.
A few years later, during a session with a well-respected psychic, I asked her about the visitor that night when I was 12, and she informed me that he was my Guide. And he’s been with me all along, urging me to remember who I am.
The symbol meant, “I am a Teller of Truth.” And I need to be honouring my gifts.
When I heard those words, I felt it resonate in my being. I knew that was my truth.
It was time for me to dive in. No more holding back.
Over the next few years, I studied the healing arts voraciously. I became certified as an Intuitive Consultant through Sonia Choquette’s Trust Your Vibes Certification, an Energy Field Practitioner via The Way of the Heart, a Reiki Master, an Akashic Records Consultant, and a Crystallized Healing Practitioner and had a successful practice working one on one with clients, helping them find their own soul’s truth and transform their limitations into their true magnificence.
Then, after a broken heart and a loss of hope, the eczema came back. Having thought I healed it, I felt confused and powerless. And so it was here once again to show me places in me I had yet to accept, love, harmonize, feel safe and trust. This time, I had to learn my own power. And I’ve grown and changed so much as a result.
From time to time, the eczema still pops up as blisters on my hands. But I no longer feel powerless, hopeless and overwhelmed by it. It is there to nudge me to shine the light on areas in me still to be discovered. Life is about evolving. Something I’ve had to learn is we aren’t seeking a point of perfection where we are just complete. We are constantly growing and expanding in consciousness. It is our fear that is trying to control life because we don’t feel safe.
We are all like giant blocks of clay, waiting to be carved to reveal the beauty of who we are underneath.
I see now what an amazing gift it has been, because for all the embarrassment, pain and suffering I’ve felt, the eczema forced me to look deep within when I had turned my back on myself. It forced me to know me.
I’ve come to accept and appreciate that we all have that physical “thing” that nudges at us to keep growing, expanding, knowing and loving ourselves. Often times, we think it’s a pain in the butt (literally), but it could be a sign to look within. I believe it’s better to listen to the little nudges before they end up becoming full blown physical ailments and dis-ease.
Every day I feel more confident in my own skin. I am my own best friend, with healthy relationships with my friends and family. I feel blessed to have walked my path, so I am able to offer the wisdom I have learned, experienced, transformed and remembered thus far on my journey. I feel lucky to be me.
I still have my tough days, as I’m human and life is an unfolding, but I’ve realized I don’t need to be perfect in order to help another. In fact, by being real, authentic, and honest, I allow the space for someone else to be vulnerable too.
Everyone has a story. We all come from somewhere.
The thing is to find the gift in your experience, and not be bound by it. It’s there to open your awareness and bring you closer to your truth. The key is to be gentle with ourselves during the process.
When we LOVE ourselves fully, we are able to then be that loving presence to all.
I’ve always related to and cheered for the underdog. I know what it’s like to suffer in silence and not have the words or understanding to voice what’s going on inside. I grew up in a time before internet and social media. In today’s world, life can be very isolating as we spend more time behind machines then face to face, but at least there are limitless amounts of resources available at the click of a finger.
My intention and hope is to connect with other seekers, of all ages, who feel lost and are longing to discover who they are, why they are here, and help them find answers and healing to the mysteries of life and themselves that elude them.
Know that you matter. You are more than your story.
Please share your story below and let’s create a community of our own kind of “Cool People.”